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Blessings in Disguise

My daughter's first word was "Tat". Or maybe "Yay"- mom doesn't quite remember which. You certainly don't want to hear her try to say "kitty." 'K's" are hard for small people.

My coworkers workers joke a lot about Thanksgiving being a time of oppression, smallpox, and demolishing native culture. Cultural cringe aside, I still believe it's a time that we're supposed to give thanks to The Giver of every good gift, and I find myself being especially grateful for the support of my wonderful parents, especially for stepping up when I, to my great shame, couldn't.

The way my life has turned out is very different than I ever would have wished for or imagined. All of my worst nightmares and fears came true and there were many times it nearly killed me. And yet, there's a bright, noisy light that shines through all the cracks of my shattered dreams and I wouldn't trade the miracle for anything. She's perfect and I would fetch the moon and stars for her if it made her happy, even for a moment, and I'm glad she has such wonderful people caring for her. And yet, as the holiday rolls around, it hurts knowing there's an unseen half that she will never know. One may be sadistic, controlling, and evil, but the others weren't. I wish they could know, but at the same time, it's best they never meet. I'll have to tell her someday, but for now, she's happy and safe, and for the most part, so am I.

Sometimes I worry about her not having any cousins and only a single set of grandparents, but then I remember that my brother and I grew up the exact same way and were just fine. There were more than enough good friends and people around us, so we never felt like there was any kind of void we were missing, except in our teenage years, but everyone feels a bit out of place at that age. At least she has cool uncles and aunts nearby, both blood-related  otherwise, and she can spend her first memorable Thanksgiving with people who love her. And she'll also finally know the magic of homemade pumpkin pie. I wish I could see her face.

As for me, I'll likely be using my holiday to rest, spoil my overweight cats, and to (maybe) work on projects. I'm looking forward to having a short rest with no phones or clients bothering me before the chaos resumes. I'm so tired. And yet, this year, when I thank God for my blessings, I'll be sure to tell him for the millionth time how grateful I am for what He's given me.

He truly does work all things for the good of those who love Him.


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